remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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