Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
