she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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