my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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