i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
