I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
