we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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