Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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