you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
