I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
