Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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