i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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