"it" just moved
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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