Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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