i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
