i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
