ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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