I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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