My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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