When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
