im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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