so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
