and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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