no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
