next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
