i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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