I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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