Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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