i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
