I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
