All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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