Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize