watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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