I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
