everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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