How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
