There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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