What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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