Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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