I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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