just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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