...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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