I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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