I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Come on in and take your pants off
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