You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
