Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she smelled like a LAN party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
