Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
