I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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