I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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