I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
