Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
