accomplished twins. life is a go
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
