Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
