Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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