Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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