Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
