If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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