What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
