I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
