Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
