Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
