Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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