T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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